A New Monster, A New Town
by Tex18
Summary: (Humor is of Dark Comedy) A soldier who had escaped Mercer's destruction in New York City, now a mercenary for hire. How will Lagoon contend with this semi-immortal soldier? Will Ronapur even survive should he unless 'it' upon them? Only time will tell.
1. A New Merc in Town

**Note: Just trying something that has come to mind. Again, may be a hit or miss. Probably the latter, but oh well, I like writing it :)**

It had happened so fast and I still couldn't believe it. Alex Mercer was dead, killed by that James Heller person and with me out in Japan during it all, trying to find the perfect place to plant the bomb Alex made for those who found a way to escape. Needless to say only three of us snuck out, and I was one of them. With Mercer dead, I decided to keep the thing, hide it in me till I can find a place to toss it somewhere, somewhere that it be completely useless... could try to find a spaceship and shoot it into the sun. Either way, I needed to get money somehow while also keeping myself under the radar from the rest of Blacklight. Best way I could was as a mercenary and using the memories of soldiers, I became a killing machine of the utmost efficiency.

A bit of introduction is needed isn't it? My name is Nathan Joseph Maplewood, and I am one of Mercer's ex soldiers. I got most of the works other did, regeneration, enhanced speed, strength, bodily morphing, you name it. Only difference is, unlike the others, I had control over more then simple claws or axe hands like them. As far as my mind could go, I could make a few weapons ranging from what those soldiers called a 'Whipfist', a long range weapon for dealing with annoying snipers to a couple of up close weapons 'Claws' and 'Blade' as they called them. Unlike the others though, I can't turn others into Biobombs or make a armored form of myself... which is pretty damn lame, but upside is I can consume someone which make sneaking in a lot easier.

So far I've had to deal with some gueriilas and other mercs during jobs around the world, but over all it all ended the same way. Them dead, me living, me getting richer. Today's job was a bit... odd to say the least. Seems some company man, a mister Kageyama, had brought me in for some kind of transport job, a data disk. Normally I be skeptical, but he gave me fifty thousand reasons to forget it. Hell during the meeting I told him straight out "Look you honestly don't give a damn about me and we I don't honestly care for you or what's on that disk. All I care for is the money, so just hand it over and let's get this over with" to which he did after looking at me displeased. Like I care... pencil pushing bastard.

Now here I am on a ship headed for some place called Ronapur. Honestly it sounds like something a drunk irish man would say after one too many bottles of beer. While below deck in a small cabin, I decided to look myself over in the mirror, just for sake of appearance. Charcoal black hoody with symbol on front of a jagged tooth skull and blood red anarchy eye, check. Black jeans with chain from belt loop to pocket just for punk look, check. Crimson belt with skull and magenta eyes along with two cutlass swords crossed under it, check. Black combat boots, check. The rest is of Caucasian skin, black hair spiked up a bit and a pair of tortoise shell glasses, black framed with oddly enough, dark forest green lenses.

As I looked at myself, I felt my weapons on me, only four of them to make me seem more 'mercenary' and to use in order to keep the whole 'normal' thing. Though so far being called 'The Immortal' was a real pain in the ass. On my person were two pistols, a model 444 Taurus Raging Bull with black finish and same model, but silver finish, both with golden scorpions on the chamber. Third gun was a Sig 552 Commando with ACOG Scope, Front Grip, Collapsible Stock, and Dual Magazine with factory standard finish. I call her 'Lei Diavolo'. Final gun was a collapsible stock MP5 with EOTech sight and strobe light. Before even sitting down, I could hear gunshots resound up deck and despite my logic mind telling me to stay below deck, my more dominant side was yelling 'I'm bored lets kill!' and of course I followed it... kinda wish I hadn't. Hiding near a wall, he looked around the corner to see the idiots of the ship held hostage by a large, bald, African American, with sunglasses and a shotgun, pump action.

As I was reaching back, I felt something... cold. My hand slowly raises and felt the cold metal of a gun as I sigh and found out, I had been snuck up on. Without any hesitation "Two revolvers in side pockets and MP5 under back of hoody" I said as I heard the weapons hit the floor. I was pushed forward as laughing hit my ears, but it wasn't what I was expecting. It was a woman's laugh.

"Alright, now get moving you fucking dumbass" she said as she forced me to walk out, gun to my head..

I waved my hand to the large man "Hey. I was going to shoot you, but your friend caught me by surprise." I admitted as he seemed... calm. Just to make small talk I ask "So... what bring a large man and some chick here to this ship in the middle of goddamn nowhere?"

"Someone's paid us to get some information that is being delivered by this boat. We are here to retrieve it" the large man said, still calm. Now at this point I kept myself calm as I was seating amongst the other captives. From here I can see the woman and by the devil's name was she a beaut. Red hair, tattoo arm, tanktop, shorts, and wielding two guns... damn I love women in tight clothing.

The woman groans "Come on Dutch, let's kill them one at a time till we get the info" she said.

At this point, I intervened "How much you getting paid for this?"

"Twenty grand" the one called Dutch said,

With a soft whistle, I casually pulled the disk out "If I was getting paid less for this I let you have it, but for me to give it up with my payment... well now that be counter productive" I said with a grin. I stood up as the woman aimed her gun at my head. Only change in plans is now I am going to have to fight these two. The ORIGINAL plan was get to Ronapur, kill the crew, and deliver the disk, but now I have to fight these two... oh well, time to instigate.

I looked at her and with a grin I started to antagonize "Go ahead and shoot me, if you got the balls you redheaded dike"

"What the fuck did you just say asshole?" she asked, cocking back the hammer of her pistol

With a bigger grin, I just keep it up "Come on you bush eating fuckhead, I said if your going to shoot me then do it" as before long, I heard the gunshot and the bullet enter my skull as my head falls back. Now it was fun time. As my head slowly came back up, right before their eyes, they could see the hole in my head closing along with red and black mass covering it.

I pocket the disk "My turn" I told them as I extend my right arm and swing it around, causing them to jump back, dodging my arm's transformation into my blade. It was like other blades, but with sharp, serrated edges on it. As the hostages try to run, I turn and cut them down before turning back to the two "So... want to play?" I asked before they saw the large scar across the metal of the ship from my blade arm and the grin on my face.


	2. Hello Hellhole!

***Note: There are two reasons I choose my character's name to be what it is. One reason is I couldn't think of anything better**

Oh I could never forgot that expression when people see their little toys can't hurt me. Normally it be of fear, but with these two it was... different. The one called Dutch just looked calm as he kept his shotgun at my head and the one called Revy just looked at me with such hate... god why do I get the crazy ones? Oh well, time means money and money is what I want.. In a mere second, I used my powers to appeared infront of Revy and with her surprise, I swung my blade around, her barely dodging to get some hairs of her head cut off. That was when it started to escalate.

From behind Dutch, kept shooting at me, but my blade was like a giant shield, blocking most of the pellets that flew. The downside of this was I was left open for the gunchick to open fire on me from the otherside and just like every other song and fucking dance like this, her bullets did nothing. My wounds kept healing and I was just getting slowly annoyed of this. I looked over at her when she went to reload "Okay have you finally realized your bullets won't hurt me or kill me yet you crazy bitch?" I asked just as she shot me in the heart "Guess not".

With some faking, I looked as if I was slowly going down to my knee, before springboarding high up in the air. Revy growled "Hey! Get back here with our payday you fuck!" she said shooting up at me. Man what does it take for them to realize that bullets are not going to stop me? As I came down like a rocket, Dutch rolled out of the way as my blade cleaved right through a steel pipe on the ship. As they keep firing, I decided that enough was enough and to take the only option I knew. With another jump, I jumped through one of the doors and made my way down below. Now normally I wouldn't run, but I did have a fragile package with me, which was miraculously not shot to pieces. I could hear them yelling now "Come on Dutch! The sooner we kill this guy the sooner we can get the package and get paid!"

"Revy I know the job, but we just blasted him full of bullets Revy. I don't think blasting him even more will do any different"

"Then get the RPG and we'll blast the bitch out!"

"If we do that then we lose the disk" he countered, just causing her to growl. As the footsteps got closer to the lower decks, I changed my blade arm back to my regular arm and decided to go stealth on them, since I rather not get this disk broken. Also since they got to us in the middle of the ocean they must have a boat or something. With relying on my training, I was able to get around Revy, due to her growling and kicking any box she found trying to find me, but then a new problem arose: Dutch was blocking the door. Looking around, I could only see a few ways out of this. Run him through, toss him around, or just rush past him. Either way, I was probably going to get blasted and alert the psycho chick... fuck it, I've winged it before.

Using my speed, I charged Dutch and with my strength tossed him through some boxes "Dutch!" I heard Revy yell as I ascended the stairs. Quickly running around the boat, I soon found a dark green military looking boat and instantly looked like my escape plan. Only problem was, is that I wasn't going to leave my guns behind. Those guns cost me a fortune! Running around to when Revy snuck up on me, I found my guns still laying there and reacquired them. Unfortunately after turning around, I found Dutch with a shotgun to my head.

With a loud sigh I put my hands up again as I see him feeling around my pockets. I could feel the familiar cold feel of a pistol to my head "So... is this going to turn into a threeway with Revy in the middle?" I ask with a laugh, which earned my a pistol whip to my head.

Dutch pulled his hand away as he looked at me "Where's the disk?"

"What disk?"

"The disk with the info ya dick!"

"I don't know what your talking about" I told them, though in all honestly, I had it hidden inside my body, just like the bio bomb... son of a bitch I could of used that to get out of here easier... in hindsight I need to work on my strategy skills.

"What I don't understand is, why do you surrender when you can kill us" Dutch asked.

I simply shrugs "Three reasons. One, it's annoying to regenerate. Two, it's a waste of good bullets. Three, one of you may destroy the disk if not careful" well at least it was sound argument. Not long after, I found myself in a steel cabin, gunless and tied up in chains while I could hear the mumbled yells of Revy and the more calming yells of Dutch on the ship. They had decided to take me 'hostage' till we reach this Ronapur place. In all honesty, it be more of a pain to kill them and drive the boat myself.

Pulled out of my thoughts by the door opening with Revy walking in with soup and a key, I just smirk at her glare as I easily broke the chains, but did not move. She left the soup as she went to go leave "Fifty grand" was all I said as she stopped "I'm getting paid fifty grand. To make up for the... well waste of bullets, how about I pay you all thirty five grand for a security job of making sure I deliver this disk on me. A little... help in paying for the wasted bullets" was all I said. All I got was a growl and a slammed door.

Out with the mercs, Dutch and Revy stand around a blonde man on a computer "Alright Benny, what do you got on this guy?" Dutch asked.

Benny, a blonde man with a Hawaiian like shirt, he brings up some kind of merc profile "Alright. Name's Edgar Haywood, a young artist from New York City and... that's all I got. Somehow the last eighteen years of his life are missing. Seems at twenty he became a merc and got all these reports of him beig 'immortal'. Rockets, bullets, arrows, blades, explosions, guy has survived them all and in turn killed them all. Hand to hand, explosives, guns, the guy seems skilled in all matter of combat. In basic terms, we got a literal killing machine on board." he explained.

Revy scoffs "We know he is immortal. Dutch and I filled him full of holes and he still didn't die! His holes just fixed themselves up!" she complained as she gritted her teeth.

A loud crunch is heard as I was standing in the doorway eating some fruit I found on this boat "So... want to make some easier cash?" was all I asked before getting guns in my face again. If Ronapur is anything like these two... I'm going to love this fucking town! There is one problem though, how would they handle something they can't kill? Either way, the answer will come up soon enough as the lights of Ronapur could be seen.

Hello Ronapur, you beautifully fucked up town. Your newest mercenary has arrived and with skills you've never seen in all your lives.


	3. Booze, Bullets, and Blood!

The trip was long, the boat was cramped and of course the sexy, guntoting, firecracker of a woman was now sitting on the top of the boat with a tied up, chained up, and even handcuffed mercenary, who is me by the by, as she kept a pistol trained on my head. Honestly, I didn't know why she did all this. Hell, I could break out, disarm her, and pin her if I wanted to... then again knowing her, she probably bite off my damn finger and/or kick me in the nuts. Either way, she got me intrigued and turned on. If she wasn't deadly and obviously showing signs of rather shooting me than fucking, hell I probably try my luck still.

Either way, I did the next best thing... I fell asleep, for about thirty minutes till the boat docked. I heard the chains and locks clatter before standing up and stretched before following the group. Revy looked about ready to say something till I spoke "I got what you need and I am getting paid a shit ton more then you guys. Simple deal really. Help me deliver the disc and I'll give you... seventy-five percent"

"Deal" was what Dutch said, much to the growling of one annoyed gungirl. When they reached the car, Revy made it clear she didn't want to be anywhere near me, which caused a argument... till a solution came to mind.

I climbed up and sat on top of the car before looking over at them, looking at me oddly, all except Revy who looked at Dutch "Hey, think we can toss him off the car?"

"Fifty bucks if you do so with only driving" I replied with a laugh. Now that caused a grin on her face, a challenge that seemed easy... only problem is she did not anticipate me being one tough bastard to toss off bugger. Don't believe me? Ask the pilots and drivers of all those tanks and attack helicopters I took down... oh wait they're dead. So with a bet underway, Revy took to the wheel as she started to drive around Ronapur like a bat out of hell, trying to toss me off of the car. No matter how many turns, doughnuts, or even hard stops, I didn't even budge a inch, all the while laughing happily before shouting out "C'mon you crazy gunbitch! Is that all you fucking got?!"

"Oh I'll fucking show you, pansy ass!" she yelled as she almost sideswiped a jeep that blared it's horn at us. Asshole, he should of seen us coming and got out of the way. After a good hour of this, we stopped outside some bar as I could simply smell the familiar scent beyond the door.

Money, coins, bullets, guns, smoke, and lots of booze.

Pushing the door open, we made our way to the bar as the man standing there looked as if he was... annoyed as his eyes met Revy's "Oh great, another person to destroy my bar." he said causing me to raise my eyebrow before looking at Dutch, since he was the more rational of the three... well him and Benny.

"This place tends to get destroyed a lot" he said calmly as he subtlety motioned to Revy causing me to grin. So she destroys buildings AND kills people... it's always the crazy ones that are the hottest.

Taking a few seats, I just decided to at least do something 'nice'. By nice I of course meant the code for 'Get others shitfaced drunk!'. I hopped on top of the bar counter and yelled out "Five rounds, all around!" as it was met with drunken cheers. A evil *cough*mischievous*cough* grin hit my face "Also making a bet. I bet this entire bar, five grand, that I can drink a whole keg in one go and in under twenty minutes!" he yelled out as everyone laughed, thinking I was bluffing. Jokes on them because of my regenerative body, my liver filters through alcohol faster then normal humans, making me immune to getting drunk...

Which goddamn sucks! I want to go out on a drunken murder spree! I wanna! I wanna, I wanna, I wanna!

Okay... small mental break over, time for a easy five grand. When the keg was brought up, I simply popped the top and started to drink the entire thing in one go, almost like a man who had gone a month without a drink of water. All around me, the patrons looked quite shocked at how I was just guzzling the entire damn thing without a care in the world... well except Dutch who seemed indifferent and Revy who looked ready to pop a blood vessel at the challenge she knew she would lose. Why? Because I'm not a normal man.

After a great sigh after drinking it down, I sat on it and said "Pay up bitches!" as everyone just grumbling, tossing money at me, paying up to equal five grand... which I tend started to lose "Another eight rounds on me!" I yelled, making everyone cheer, even Revy. I sat down next to her as I chuckled "Someone's happy"

"Don't mistake this for happiness asshole. I'm just glad I'm not paying for the alcohol this time. I'm still going to kill you one day" she threatened as I just laughed it off. When I went to knock back one of those brews that Revy was drinking, honestly I didn't care for the name as long as it wasn't beer, I heard the clicking of a gun cocking behind me. Turning around, the windows and doors busted open as some people just starting to open fire on the bar as Dutch and Revy took cover behind the surprisingly sturdy bar counter while they pulled the bartender now.

As the bullets kept flying, I just kept thinking "Are we really doing this shit again? Seriously is everyone just a trigger happy fucker or is it just my presence?" and so far not caring what was going on. Why should I? I can regenerate damn it, but... that was when it happened. A shattering sound to my right as I saw one of the bullets break the booze bottle I had in my hand. Now that... was when things got rough.

See... I like to see myself as a patient and understanding mercenary that is... almost unkillable. I mean, fuck, I'm sure if you cut off my head I'll die, but in this world I have learned there are five things that I hate. In no specific order, they are: clowns, clowns with guns, Blacklight, people who try to kill me BEFORE paying me, and finally not getting my alcohol... these people are the mix 'clowns with guns' and 'not getting my alcohol' parts.

As I see them walk into the bar, me clutching the broken bottle, I simply sigh "You know what I hate?" I ask them, standing up and letting the broken bottle top hit the floor "I really hate people who deny me my alcohol" I said as they aimed to fire on me again.

Just so everyone knows... THIS is how I deal with anger: by mindlessly killing anyone whose dumb enough to attack me!

As they looked over the counter edge to see their new 'comrade' cutting up the soldiers like they were cooked brisket, Revy asked "Dutch... remind me to buy this guy a fucking whiskey for saving us some damn bullets... or at least a good smack in his head"

"Noted"

"Hey! We going or what? No doubt their's more of these assholes on the way" I told them before heading to the car that Benny sat in while the fighting was going on. Looking back, Revy seemed to, admittedly, admire how I cut up the enemy without remorse... that or she was buzzed and thought she did it... probably the latter. Knowing that chick, she probably put a bullet in my head just to say 'thanks for saving my ass'.

...why am I always attracted to the crazy ones?


End file.
